just confused

I have so much going on in my life. I've been trying to sit back and sort of work some sort of life plan, or at least some sort of in-the-near-future-of-my-life plan. Things are lining up, just hopefully the dominoes will all fall into place. It's a lot to think about while being so crazy busy.

One forgets how exhausting and only mildly fulfilling food service can be. I don't like my new job but I think that's mostly because I don't like working in general. That sounds ridiculous.

I am so incredibly tired of this political "season." Is it a season? Should it be? If it's a season, like a TV season or a sports season, why is it about three times as long by now?

I am tired of everything being so expensive. I am tired of not being able to find a plane ticket to Paris for less than $1000. Used to be you could find an el cheapo one for at least $800. But with oil at $115 a barrel...

I can only wait in restless anticipation for what is promised to be a life-changing summer. And two whole months with my Jules. If only we could schedule a good two months to commit to one friend all the time, that would be lovely. When is my heart moving here?

I leave at the beginning of June. Maybe you'll see me again in the states, maybe not. Depends on who wins this election...

Please come see my play, and say real and true things about it to me.


The young poet Evmenis
complained one day to Theocritos:
"I've been writing for two years now
and I've composed only one idyll.
It's my single completed work.
I see, sadly, that the ladder
of Poetry is tall, extremely tall;
and from this first step I'm standing on now
I'll never climb any higher."
Theocritos retorted: "Words like that
are improper, blasphemous.
Just to be on the first step
should make you happy and proud.
To have reached this point is no small achievement:
what you've done already is a wonderful thing.
Even this first step
is a long way above the ordinary world.
To stand on this step
you must be in your own right
a member of the city of ideas.
And it's a hard, unusual thing
to be enrolled as a citizen of that city.
Its councils are full of Legislators
no charlatan can fool.
To have reached this point is no small achievement:
what you've done already is a wonderful thing."

("The First Step," by C. P. Cavafy)